Why You Don’t Have to Fear Being an Outsider
It’s a brisk Thursday morning, and as the alarm clock sounds, I consider backing out of the commitment I made last week. I told a friend I’d join her at a new group for moms. Today, I want nothing more than to stay in my sweatpants all day and avoid the awkward feeling of being an outsider.
As I lie motionless in bed, I pause to be brutally honest with myself.
I decide I’m done wearing a mask, fitting into a mold, and attempting to straighten my curly hair—all to avoid being an outsider in a world of insiders.
C.S. Lewis on Being an Outsider
Most of us learn about fitting into the mold sometime in elementary school. As children, we learn that fitting into a specific mold helps us to stay in the inner circle.
C.S. Lewis spoke these words to a group of young adults in 1944:
“Until you conquer the fear of being an outsider, an outsider you will remain.”
If Lewis is right, then how do we conquer the fear of being left out?
The Truth about Being an Outsider
Here are a few thoughts:
1.) Your uniqueness is your gift to the world.
God creates no two vessels exactly the same way. You are the way you are so that you might complete the purpose set before you in this world. No part of you is an accident, from the way you look to the things you love to do.
Your passion for sci-fi novels, knitting, golf, or fly fishing might feel weird. Don’t hide it from the world. God put this passion in your heart to reach out to others who love the same things.
Your crazy hair, imperfect complexion, or awkward introversion might feel like a deficit in life. It’s not. God made you like this so you can reach out to others who have similar insecurities. He wants you to learn to depend on him when you feel weak and insufficient.
You don’t need to hide these parts of yourself. Embrace them. They are your gifts to the world.
2.) Your calling is to focus on what you can give, not what you can receive.
Proverbs 11:25 teaches us that those who refresh others will be refreshed as well.
God made you to be a blessing unto others, to be a gift to a broken world. Keep your eyes open for the needs around you, and you will soon find yourself blinded to the insecurities that keep your gaze fixed on yourself alone.
3.) When you feel like an outsider, remember you’re wildly loved just as you are, and nothing can take this love away from you.
You are loved by the God who created you. He loves you with your imperfections, your weaknesses, your idiosyncrasies, and your failures. He loves you when others reject you and misunderstand you.
You are loved, even in your failures, so much that God demonstrated his love for you through the ultimate act of sacrifice: the suffering and death of his only Son (see Romans 5:8).
When you don’t feel loved by him, the sacrifice on the cross is still real; it is still proof that goes beyond feelings and emotions. Cling to this truth when you need the reminder of his love for you.
4.) You can create your own inner circle of kindness and compassion.
We can be the change we want to see in the world when we live authentically and by this principle: Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8).
Walk into a crowded room and try to fit in, and you will always be an outsider.
Walk into a crowded room and look for someone to love, and you will forget all about yourself. In the process, you will find yourself in the middle of the only inner circle that really matters: The inner circle of those who live to love others.
Let’s look at what the Bible says about being an outsider.
What the Bible Says About Being an Outsider:
See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. 1 John 3:1 ESV
So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God . . . Ephesians 2:19 ESV
But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God. John 1:12-13 ESV
I was created just like this for a specific reason, and I need to be just like this to fulfill the purpose God has for my life. #identityinChrist #purpose #fulfillment #encounteringGod Click To TweetAs the morning light streams through the window, I decide to hold true to my commitment and join my friend among the other moms. I wear my hair curly and don’t stress over finding the perfect outfit.
Something happens in that sunny room with the coffee and conversation. I forget all about myself, and I find a group of women who really just need someone to see them and love them—right where they are.
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